I had a friend come to me with an issue, and despite that our closeness dwindled in the wind I took the opportunity to make amends and he gladly accepted.
The realization of how critical it is who I choose to share a connection with became extremely apparent; especially because of my impressionable moods being so easily adaptable to my surroundings.
When surrounded by people with passion and beliefs I become more naturally willing to change my attitude and progress and that's the person I want to be.
I don't know what has come over me the past few days but I couldn't stand the way I was acting. It wasn't myself at all.
I wasn't doing any of the things I wanted to be doing in my daily routines, I was having the hardest time simply performing a charade of acting like myself and felt compromised.
I've been secretly doing the things I love again, which I'm afraid of telling the people who see me every day and wouldn't want their excitement to spoil the majesty behind it. I've just felt idiotic this week, and hope to never do it again.
The stress of constant restrictions lashed around every thought in my head that can't be expanded onto people because they're not coherent enough for them, which puts great strain on anyone willing to listen to me because I can't formulate my thoughts into words - Incoherent thoughts don't mix well with incoherent people, or vise versa.
The constant surreal moments and fascinations that wouldn't make sense to them leaves me speechless in everyone's presence half the time. Which is why I'm so insistent on being alone often rather than constantly surrounded by people - if I acted otherwise I would drive myself crazy.
In other news, I'm resisting an urge to start dying my hair again - I want it blonde with lilac, or mint green, or dusty pink, or powder blue, but mainly lilac… Must resist temptation for ruination.
I've been given a job opportunity in retail at a store I would never shop in, which is disconcerting and somewhat distasteful but I have no more room to be picky - so I must cowboy up and saddle the horse! I find distinct content in my drive toward work ethic, as it somewhat humbles me and gives me purpose.
I also have a scheduled appointment to take part in online courses to further my academic career, which I strangely look forward to as I'm not perspectively ready to apply for university quite yet and I want a broad spectrum of options waiting for me when I am.
Fully just made ‘biscuits and gravy’ to eat while reading Grapes of Wrath, because I just love for my literary experiences to feel somewhat authentic - If only I had some chewing tobacco.
This is the third time I have made the aforesaid biscuits and gravy and have had to completely modify the recipe to suit my taste-buds - no offense to those who love this Southern fare. Was quite distraught the first time I made them, as the recipe promised me ‘heavens own food’, and it delivered something quite different. But third time's the charm, I’ve turned them into something palatable. My mother combined my efforts into topping it all off with her cure-cancer chicken and vegetable soup, which is filled to the brim with chicken, carrots, onion, leek, green beans, asparagus, and baby potatoes topped with vegetable/cayenne/paprika spices that will knock the devil out of you. Now to comfort my jangled nerves with some well-read Steinbeck - I have absorbed this book by now, but I am reading it once more, because reading books I know nearly off by heart is soothing, like two duvets in the midst of winter.
Aren't I a perfect shade of decrepit?
